一苦二甜三回味

三道茶寓寄着“一苦二甜三回味”的人生哲理... excerpt from the articles of a fren's fren blog. Found it very true, maybe I should just wait as to my 'dilemma' before.....

Referal Program

Was trying out the above programme up there where it claims to be able to make money online. Doesn't know how true is it and doing a tryout. Anyone interested to join in, please click on the banner and sign up, it just take less than 5 minutes. I'll tell you if I did really get cash for that, or maybe you can try yourself too after signing up. Thanks....=)

"Choices" ( as quoted from Irene's)

Read a fren's blog on 'Choices' and make myself indulge in a no-result self reflection today. Life is really like a continuos crossroad where one had to choose where should one goes OR stand stagnant there. I kept asking myself, should I stand stagnant in the middle of the crossroad and gain more experience in order for me to make a better decision on which route to follow, OR should i pick a road and follow the route without looking back without regrets and just follow what the route leads to? A friend of mine asked why don't i just take up a permanent job in other industry rather than waiting for freelance productions to knock the door everytime. My answer to that is, unless I wanted to start picking up things all over from scratch again. After all these years of changes, I doubt to convince myself to choose that route. However, at times, I did asked myself again, should I just take up a stable career path with stable income, not having to worry about what's next, OR should I wait, immerse myself more in the industry to gain more experience, but the pain is to wait for jobs to knock after every job finished and wondering what's next, or rather will there be anymore next time? Hadn't been able to have my mind clear for the past 2 years, I feel the same as Irene, standing in the middle of the crossroad, stagnant, but having the feeling of everyone/ everything dashing pass you, urging you to make the right choice quick, or you'll be left out in the dessert in no where. Now, I can feel my mind as if it's making up of thousand of strings, crumpled in mess, you can't just cut the strings just like that to make them straight, and even to untie the knots, it will make them worse, just like the chinese sayings 剪不断，理还乱. Seems like I'd bad at carving my own career path, i'm lost....

Appreciation....??

Is it true that guys will only appreciate the other half when things already comes to the worst and there's not turning back? Recently knew that my ex pick up a hobby that I'd been loving only after we have get apart for a year. I still remember that during the days when we were together, he doesn't even mind to spare some of his time to have the hobby together but instead will rather stay at home. And now, he even took up classes just to excel in that hobby. Frankly, I do really feel a bit sad when i know about it, and once again, proved to me that, I had make that right decision....

News update from my son in Mongolia

a thank you note from my son's mom. My sponsor child can't read and write yet, so the mother wrote for him. Think I should get him a book so that the center there can teach him.

Another Shoot...

A one day shoot, with Indonesia clients. Things are unconfirmed until last minute with shitty agencies who cannot handle their clients. And left us with all the drama, even after the shoot. Argue over the design and color of a sofa whereby during the shoot, the framing can't even see the sofa at all...having attitude-problem wardrobe stylist in the job and even make me, the producer and the AD to search for the wardrobe on behalf of him coz he doesn't want to do his work.....gosh....what a day....
now keeping finger cross on not to reshoot the pack , i doesn't want to see them the 2nd time.....
**doesn't shot any photos this time....

I'm Photogenic???

A shock. Someone did actually says i'm photogenic? Gosh....I always hate seeing myself on a photo coz I can't smile good, and I feel I'm not photogenic at all as compare to lots of beautiful ppl around me.....this really make me wonders....everyone's eye on 'beauty' is really difference or my expectation is "farly" high? am i? or it's just a consolation....haaa

守财奴 (miser)

For the past one year, I feel myself like a miser, a poor miser....haven't been able to get full payment from the freelance jobs that I had done and the result is every month I can only spend on the first 50% that I had gotten just on paying my bills. No any extra to spend for others things......That's one of the reason why I had been always at home, hooking up on net. Coz I can't afford to step out of the house with the little money I have to spend. Hearing someone said, we must treat ourself better. I think I should, after 1 year of struggling. I decided to start chasing for my dream. I've decided to get the ball rolling by signing up on a swimming lesson. Hopefully that leads to my diving lesson in future, Once and only ONCE i've got enough money to pay for the lesson which cost almost RM 1400+. As for my SLR camera, there's still a long way to chase....boo hoo......every dreams cost.....gosh.....

net feelings...

ever had a crushed with someone by only exchanging feelings through the net? Have been wondering how can a couple start a relationship through a net? I have a fren who really does that and now is already with her partner overseas. They started off by only communicating through the net chat. I was always wondering when this happen to me, will I trust these feelings? How true are the feelings to someone when you only communicate through words type in front of u? Are you in love with the someone over there? or are u only in love with the words on your screen?

抉择

向左走，向右走，我在徘徊中寻找我的出口。
在这十字路的交叉口，我想问他们我该怎么走。
可他们都叫我一往无前，别在回首。
左，右都不是我的路吗？
我只能选择一条，尽管这地球是圆的，尽头却没完没了。
我想我该早做抉择，越早越好。
醉醒之后，却忘了这件事——我的出口
事隔许久许久，我因为一个朋友做了停留，我只知道那段时光很美好很快乐，当有一天他们问我“你决定往哪儿走了吗？”
我一时无语，看看我身边的朋友，才恍然想起我的任务
我的起跑点还在几步之遥，而我却忘了自己一直没有迈出第一步
我摇头，迟了，是迟了吗？

最近，常失眠。不知是否真的应该一往无前，绝不回首。。。

我想有个家

我想有个家
一个不需要华丽的地方
在我疲倦的时候
我会想到它
我想有个家
一个不需要多大的地方
在我受惊吓的时候
我才不会害怕

谁不会想要家
可是就有人没有它
脸上流著眼泪
只能自己轻轻擦
我好羡慕他
受伤后可以回家
而我只能孤单的
孤单的寻找我的家

虽然我不曾有温暖的家
但是我一样渐渐的长大
只要心中充满爱
就会被关怀
无法理怨谁
一切只能靠自己
虽然你有家什么也不缺
为何看不见你露出笑脸
永远都说没有爱
整天不回家
相同的年纪
不同的心灵
让我拥有一个家

"Dreams" shatter? back to square one....

I knew it, things is always not smooth for me, or should say has never been smooth.....deal is never a deal without B&W and I always knew that. Though that I've already forsee for the worst but still feel the pain for it....well....i'm still at the same point....not moving any forward...... hopefully this really brings me a bit of luck.....that's the only bit that I'm lack of.....a lucky gift from my best friend, mei.....

Another 26 hours shoot - Tumix

this shoot had really let me realize that i'm getting old. After being awake for 26 hours, I am extremely exhausted. Though I'm in the middle of a 2.5 million bungalow shooting for this food commercial, I can't enjoy it. Furthermore, it's on Valentines day. Though, there's no other half for me, but i pity those crews with gf/bf or wife who had to go thru Valentines day without their other half, furthermore a 26 hours working non-stop. The food shots took up a lot of time to get the right position for the powder to pour out. And I was even forced to be the hand talent - of course without paid. *sigh*

Finally an unexpected offer!!

Congrats myself! I finally land myself on a so-called permanent job after all these years.....got the offer 2 days before CNY and it's indeed an unexpected offer. Will only be the one in the office (which is at home..hehe) and without boss and subordinate.....hopefully things goes well and keep my finger cross....

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I've got son!!

Sponsored a kid from Mongolia thru World Vision A 5 yrs old boy named Bukunai, Erbol from Nalaikh, Mongolia. Just RM 50 per month and it's hopefully to make his life better. Really hope that i'm able to visit him one day.....

Memories lane...

Have a long chat with one of the producers about her childhood memories. It's terrific that she can even remember things that happened since she start crawling....Listening to her stories on her childhood with nannies (ma cheh), to how she's being bullied by boys, how's she had to learn doing housework due to older generation thinking of girls have to do all these stuff etc. On my way driving home, I kept thinking it's actually so fun to have that kind of memories to cherish, even though there's ups and down. As compare to her, my memories only start during my school time in primary school. Anything beyond that, I totally cannot recall. Even the memories during school times is merely only with my school mates, about how hard we need to study until 5 pm everyday and nothing as interesting as what she have with that kind of rural experience and fun. Hence, I always tell my frens that I do not have much sweet childhood memories to nibbles. I wish that my next generation will be able to have the chance to really enjoy the process of their childhood and leave some foot prints in their heart. How I wish I have a time machine to back track my life and change everything......

kids kids!!

just finish a shoot for CNY with bunch of kids around.....it's so tiring to work with kids listening to their 'noise' the whole day and yet you can't shout at them coz they are your talents. What if they won't act after you do that, and you will be blame for the rest of the day becoz of your stupid act to make the production a failure. Two days of shoot are all outdoor and I got over burnt as a result of not applying sun block.....hehee.......well...at least i got a 1k increment this time.

See Higher.....

A very appropriate photo to illustrate the idea "Don't be upset over gloomy days, seek higher and further and you'll find the sun"

It's a beginning or an end?

New Year 2007! Everything should be new, hope and resolutions should be in everyone, but why? It's not with me at all. Had been feeling very down yesterday night after digging out my old old dear diary from the book shelves and run through all the diaries that I had written all these years. Lokking from when I started going out with a guy during Uni days, when i am having down days with him, when I got my first job, and when i having trouble with my families and the diaries stop during 2003. Since then, havent been putting a word in there but just keep all the low time to myself. Looking back, I did not move forward much, goal is still so vague and i m still not happy or never been happy all these years....I have no idea what will make me happy and even tried to think deeply how should I make myself happy, but I never been able to find a solution till now. Maybe I am like what all said, 
bu gan ji mo'. When there's no one at my side accompanying me, I'm lost or rather starting to feel down by thinking all the unhappy past. I think I should start telling myself to be more independent, to stand on my own whatever it is.

Another Year older!!

Happy New Year!! It's another year older for me without any resolutions ......think my resolutions is to find a resolutions for the year.....HAHA.....